Domestic violence is defined by conduct, not gender. Drawing on international research and documented evidence, Halima Layeni argues that women, like men, can perpetrate abuse. Recognising this reality does not diminish female victims; it broadens justice by ensuring every victim is acknowledged and every perpetrator held accountable equally.
By Halima Layeni
For many people, the phrase “domestic abuser” immediately evokes the image of a man.
Decades of public awareness campaigns, media coverage, and cultural narratives have reinforced this perception, leading many to assume that men almost exclusively perpetrate abuse.
The conclusion that women cannot also be perpetrators is inconsistent with the available evidence.
The question, therefore, is not whether women can be abusers. The evidence says they can.
Abuse is not determined by gender. It is defined by behaviour. Physical assault, coercive control, emotional manipulation, intimidation, financial abuse, threats, stalking, sexual violence, and psychological degradation remain abusive regardless of whether they are committed by a man or a woman.
The harm experienced by victims is determined by the nature and severity of the abuse, not by the sex of the perpetrator.
The research is increasingly clear. The U.S. Centres for Disease Control and Prevention’s (CDC) National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS) found that among men who experienced rape, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner, 97% identified only female perpetrators.
The same survey also reported that 79% of male victims who were “made to penetrate” identified only female perpetrators.
These findings challenge the common assumption that men rarely experience abuse from female partners and demonstrate that female perpetration is a documented reality rather than an isolated exception.
Evidence from other countries points in the same direction. The 2025 Australian National Prevalence Study on Intimate Partner Violence, published in the Medical Journal of Australia, found that 40.4% of men who had ever been in an intimate relationship reported experiencing at least one form of intimate partner violence during their lifetime.
The study also found that 25.4% of men experienced physical intimate partner violence, while 36.6% experienced psychological intimate partner violence.
Although women reported higher overall prevalence and greater exposure to severe violence, the findings make one fact unmistakably clear: men also experience domestic abuse in substantial numbers, and female perpetrators form an important part of that reality.
The scale of that victimisation is not small. More than 1 in 6 men in the United States, over 20.7 million individuals, have experienced contact sexual violence, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner during their lifetime, including roughly 1 in 7 men who have experienced physical violence specifically.
Earlier CDC survey waves found the gap between male and female victimisation to be considerably narrower than many people assume. They reported that 44.2% of men and 47.3% of women had experienced contact sexual violence, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner during their lifetimes.
Violence requires a perpetrator. When tens of millions of men report abuse, and the CDC’s own data attributes the overwhelming majority of that abuse to female partners, the conclusion is not speculative. It is documented.
Leading researchers have reached similar conclusions. Professor Denise A. Hines, one of the world’s foremost experts on male victims of intimate partner violence, has consistently demonstrated that male victims represent a significant yet underserved population.
Her work has documented that men experience severe physical violence, coercive control, psychological abuse, and controlling behaviours from female partners, while also facing considerable barriers when attempting to access support services or report their experiences.
Female perpetration extends beyond physical violence. Emotional abuse, coercive control, humiliation, intimidation, threats, false allegations, financial control, social isolation, digital surveillance, and psychological manipulation can have devastating and long-lasting consequences.
Many victims describe living under constant fear, walking on eggshells to avoid conflict, or gradually losing confidence after years of emotional degradation.
Abuse should never be measured solely by visible injuries. Psychological violence can leave scars that endure long after physical wounds have healed.
Despite the evidence, society often struggles to acknowledge female perpetrators. Deeply rooted stereotypes portray women as naturally nurturing, caring, and nonviolent, making it difficult for many people to reconcile these characteristics with abusive behaviour.
As a result, reports involving female perpetrators are sometimes dismissed, minimised, or treated as unusual exceptions rather than recognised as part of the broader reality of interpersonal violence.
These stereotypes also affect victims. Men abused by female partners frequently report fears that they will not be believed or that their experiences will be ridiculed.
Some remain silent because they anticipate questions such as, “How could a woman hurt you?”, “Why didn’t you simply leave?”, “You’re a man, you should be able to handle it,” or “She couldn’t possibly overpower you.” Others fear that disclosing abuse will damage their reputation or result in them being viewed as the aggressor.
Such responses discourage reporting and allow abuse to continue in silence.
The consequences extend beyond individual victims. When female perpetration is ignored, policymakers, researchers, and service providers are left with an incomplete understanding of domestic violence.
Incomplete evidence leads to incomplete policy. Support services may fail to identify victims who do not fit traditional assumptions, while prevention strategies may overlook important risk factors associated with female-perpetrated abuse.
Effective public policy depends on accurately understanding the full scope of the problem rather than focusing only on the forms of violence that align with existing expectations.
Human rights are not a competition, and acknowledging one group of victims does not erase another. In fact, recognising every perpetrator strengthens efforts to reduce violence because effective prevention depends on confronting reality rather than stereotypes. A response that recognises every victim and every perpetrator is stronger, more credible, and ultimately more effective.
This principle should also guide professional practice. Police officers, healthcare professionals, social workers, psychologists, judges, lawyers, and other frontline responders should assess every allegation on its individual merits rather than on assumptions about gender.
Every victim deserves to be heard. Every allegation deserves an impartial investigation. Every perpetrator should be held accountable based on evidence rather than stereotypes.
The media also has an important responsibility. News reporting, documentaries, television programming, and public awareness campaigns shape how society understands domestic violence.
When female perpetrators are rarely acknowledged, or when violence committed by women against men is portrayed as humorous or insignificant, public misconceptions become further entrenched.
Responsible journalism should accurately reflect the complexity of interpersonal violence without resorting to sensationalism or reinforcing outdated assumptions about who can be a victim or a perpetrator.
Education is equally important. Schools, workplaces, universities, faith communities, and community organisations should promote a simple but essential message: abusive behaviour is unacceptable regardless of who commits it.
Ultimately, this conversation is not about assigning blame to one gender or creating competing narratives of victimhood. It is about ensuring that our understanding of domestic violence reflects reality rather than assumption.
The evidence is clear that women, like men, are capable of abusive behaviour. Ignoring that evidence does not protect victims. It simply leaves some of them unseen and unsupported while allowing some perpetrators to escape scrutiny.
If our goal is to reduce domestic violence, then honesty must come before ideology. We cannot prevent what we refuse to acknowledge, and we cannot protect victims by overlooking perpetrators because they do not fit conventional expectations.
Justice requires consistency. Accountability requires impartiality. Compassion requires us to recognise every victim without exception.
The question is no longer whether a woman can be an abuser. The evidence has answered that. The more important question is whether society is willing to follow the evidence wherever it leads.
Only by confronting the full reality of domestic violence can we build prevention strategies, support systems, and public policies that protect everyone and hold every perpetrator accountable.
Halima Layeni is a Speaker/ Global Voice For Men’s Mental Health & Policy Reform/ Author of Dear Man/ Executive Director, Life After Abuse Foundation/ Mental Health Coach For Professionals